What I Learned On My Fitness Journey

I have struggled with body image for as long as I can remember. Growing up, I was very thin, which isn't considered attractive in the Latino community. My childhood and teenage years consisted of pointed remarks about being too thin and recommendations for weight gainers.

I stayed fairly thin into my adulthood until a few years after I had Jeremy. I gained a lot of weight, about 25 pounds, in the span of a few months. While I was not overweight, I was carrying a large amount of fo body fat. Plus, I was always feeling sluggish and depressed. I started looking into solutions into losing the weight. But what would happen is, I would lose the weight and gain it right back. I would try the fad teas, the "miracle" workouts, just to gain it right back. About two years ago, I decided to take my fitness more seriously. I give my best effort towards my job, parenting and other endeavours, why should my body be any different? The most important part of a healthier lifestyle, is consistency and effort. Below are some of the most important things I learned during my fitness journey.

1. The Numbers Don't Mean S**t After A While

When I first started working out, I was HYPE when the pounds started melting off. But then, I realized that the numbers were remaining the same. And then I started gaining weight! I started getting discouraged until I saw that my clothes were fitting me and/or feeling looser. I was gaining muscle! So, I know now not to go crazy over the scale, I pay more attention to inches lost and how my clothes feel. In the photos above, there's only a 3-pound difference between them.

2. You Appreciate Your Body More

I had al these sorts of aspirations for when I began to work out. I was going to be out here with a six pack and all that. Truth is, it takes a lot of hard work and dedication. And while I still don't have a six pack (yet), I celebrate the other milestones. Such as being able to do pushups or being able to run a mile without passing out. And at the end of the day, this is the body that gets me through the day. It brought life to this world. And for that, I learned to be kinder to it.

3. Exercising Keeps Depression At Bay

It takes 21 days to break a habit. After a couple of weeks of healthy eating and exercising, I noticed my energy levels went up. I didn't have to drag myself out of bed every day. Then, one day I realized, it has been months since I felt depressed. The anxiety levels were low. While I do get little bouts of depression now and then, I have something to combat it. The gym keeps me busy and provides goals for me to focus on. I also cut back on eating sugar because I noticed that it helps with depression. 

top & leggings: F21

4. You Change Inside & Out

Besides making dealing with depression either, I was also making other positive changes. I felt more confident. Like I could kick some serious ass if the opportunity ever presented itself (I have weird daydreams, sue me). I felt better about the clothes I was wearing, which as a clotheshorse and blogger is very important to me. My skin was clearer and my energy levels were consistently high.

The point of this post wasn't to be all preachy. I just wanted to share how this was a real journey for me. It had ups and downs, and moments where I wanted to give up because I wasn't seeing the results. My journey hasn't ended, it continues as I become a bit better every day.

Updates

Please forgive me, I know it has been a long time since I last posted. A lot has been going on, making it quite difficult for me to create new content and post frequently. I decided to go back to school, and with that and a tricky work schedule AND being a single mom, it was quite challenging. Luckily things have become less hectic and I can devote some time for the blog.

I did have a brief depression spell that was quickly eradicated. I was surrounded by a lot of negative energy that wasn't helping me at all. Luckily, I was able to remove myself from situations that were doing nothing but harm to my mental health. I am happy to say that things are looking a lot better. Despite all the madness, I was able to make the President's List at school (yay!).

top- Boohoo

skirt-F21

shoes- Public Desire

I am excited to post more frequently. I have already started planning content and I am really excited to share with you all. Thank you for those who continue to visit Havtastic.

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Photos by Milli Stephania

So What's Therapy Like?

A couple of months ago, I decided to briefly share my struggles with depression. I was deeply touched by the amount of support I received from readers and friends as well. I was terrified when I first published that blog post but now I feel so much freer. It is wonderful to finally be able to be honest with my myself and if I helped someone do the same then that is even better.

For those that do not know, May is Mental Health Awareness Month. One of my twitter friends (@MacnMahalia) had tweeted about not seeing enough people share their experiences with therapy. Therapy is always thrown out there as a way to treat mental illness but nobody ever talks about what it's like. 

Admitting that I needed help was definitely a hard pill to swallow. I had stopped going through therapy as a teenager because I felt like I didn't need it anymore. I still suffered from depressive episodes but I held it all inside because I couldn't understand what was happening and I also didn't want to admit that something was wrong with me. It was when I was about 25 that I decided to find some help once again. I just couldn't deal with it anymore.

My insurance didn't offer me a whole lot of options, so I just the office that was closest to me. When I made the phone call, I was asked some questions in order to see if I qualified to receive services. Then, I was given an appointment to come in. At that appointment, I was assigned to a therapist, who will I refer to as Ms. H. I was lucky enough to find a therapist that I liked right away. Ms. H was great. The first couple of sessions were definitely awkward because I dislike talking about myself so there was a lot of silence. But, Ms. H was very patient and never pressured me to talk if I didn't feel up to it. Over time, we developed a rapport. Our sessions weren't just about talking, Ms. H helped me set up short and long-term goals as well as improve my self-confidence. She would give me little exercises to do in between our sessions to help manage my depression. I became more aware of things about myself, both positive and negative. But most importantly, I learned to accept having a mental illness. 

Therapy is definitely not a magical cure. And it is a process that takes dedication and patience. Like I mentioned before, it took several sessions for me to even say something. But once I started talking (and crying), the words just kept spilling out. It got easier to communicate.

Sadly, my time with Ms. H was cut short because she was transferred to another facility. And I did not like her replacement. Let's just say, she was pretty biased and was very quick to suggest medication (which I will elaborate in another post). So, I stopped going and found other ways to cope. But I do not regret going to therapy. I still struggle with my depression but I learned how to manage it. I can recognize certain triggers and it's gotten a little easier to ease myself out of those dark days. It helped me realize that my feelings are valid and that it is okay to receive help.

My Name is Hav and I Suffer From Depression

An Introduction...

I have been wanting to expand into writing about different topics for a while now but I have been afraid to do so. I really dislike sharing personal details about my life. And it is incredibly scary to share something that still holds a stigma. However, I have noticed that there seems to have been an increase in suicides in people among my age. Mental Illness is very tough to talk about. If my opening up encourages more people to do the same; it would help break down the walls a little at a time.

I have suffered from Depression ever since I was a kid, around eight years old. There would be times where I would just get sad and/or burst into tears. Growing up in a Latino community, I was labeled as a "llorona" or overly sensitive. At school, it was suggested that I started seeing a therapist. So my mom started taking me to one. I have been in and out of therapy for years.

Last Summer, I also started suffering from anxiety.  I'm not going to lie, this was particularly difficult to deal with. I wasn't understanding what was happening to me. My body was reacting in ways that I couldn't control. I would start feeling like I can't breathe and I would be scared that I was going to die. Luckily, I have not had an anxiety attack in months.

There were a lot of times in my life, where the Depression would be so great, that I wouldn't think that I couldn't win the battle against it. One of these times was after having my son, Jeremy. I had a really bad case of Postpartum Depression. It was so bad that there was a point where I would be scared to be home alone because of the really bad thoughts I was having. I was lucky enough to have found a support group that helped me through it because at that time, I really felt like I couldn't.

As I've gotten older, I have come to accept that Depression is something that I would have to live with. I just refuse to let it define who I am. That is one of the reasons why I don't really talk about it. I didn't want people thinking of me as "the depressed girl". But talking about it and dealing with it is one way I will not let it control me.