My Name is Hav and I Suffer From Depression

February 06, 2018

An Introduction...

I have been wanting to expand into writing about different topics for a while now but I have been afraid to do so. I really dislike sharing personal details about my life. And it is incredibly scary to share something that still holds a stigma. However, I have noticed that there seems to have been an increase in suicides in people among my age. Mental Illness is very tough to talk about. If my opening up encourages more people to do the same; it would help break down the walls a little at a time.

I have suffered from Depression ever since I was a kid, around eight years old. There would be times where I would just get sad and/or burst into tears. Growing up in a Latino community, I was labeled as a "llorona" or overly sensitive. At school, it was suggested that I started seeing a therapist. So my mom started taking me to one. I have been in and out of therapy for years.

Last Summer, I also started suffering from anxiety.  I'm not going to lie, this was particularly difficult to deal with. I wasn't understanding what was happening to me. My body was reacting in ways that I couldn't control. I would start feeling like I can't breathe and I would be scared that I was going to die. Luckily, I have not had an anxiety attack in months.

There were a lot of times in my life, where the Depression would be so great, that I wouldn't think that I couldn't win the battle against it. One of these times was after having my son, Jeremy. I had a really bad case of Postpartum Depression. It was so bad that there was a point where I would be scared to be home alone because of the really bad thoughts I was having. I was lucky enough to have found a support group that helped me through it because at that time, I really felt like I couldn't.

As I've gotten older, I have come to accept that Depression is something that I would have to live with. I just refuse to let it define who I am. That is one of the reasons why I don't really talk about it. I didn't want people thinking of me as "the depressed girl". But talking about it and dealing with it is one way I will not let it control me.
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